I love you. First of all, I love you for incorporating a glockenspiel in your live act, and I love you even more for taking turns playing it. You should issue an indie rock memo explaining that real bands rock the glockenspiel (instead of twee percussives like the xylophone) and hold the glockenspiel hitters in their mouths when they’re busy playing something else. I think I’m going to go look for one on ebay.
I love you because you hung out in the audience to watch the opening act. I felt a little faint when I noticed that I was standing next to the most beautiful Campesino, the guitarist who looks like Sufjan Stevens. I found it charming when he acted as though the opening act was rocking, even during that “pitcher of piss” song, when I stood there shuddering with contempt. I was charmed, too, by his lady friend, your keyboardist, who looked bored and aloof because, let’s be honest, Jeffrey Lewis is kind of a douche.
Let me take this opportunity to apologize for my friend Z’s dance moves. He meant no harm. (And when I danced with him, doing the Neil Diamond snappy thing, I was just humoring him. Normally, I do the indie head bob thing, like all the other hipsters.) Also, I regret that he felt up your keyboardist…twice. It was very crowded, as I’m sure you noticed. Did you hear him shout that he’s gay? We were hoping you’d hear. I promise that if he were to deliberately violate someone, it would have been the Sufjan Campesino.
This reminds me of a crucial point—I love you also for your good looks. Hands down, you are the most beautiful band I have ever seen. I saw a picture of you once, but it did not do you justice. At one point during the show, Z turned to me and said, “They’re so clever…and pretty!” Then he went back to dancing, and I to swooning.
Another reason I love you is for playing not one, but two, Pavement covers, the second one being from Westing (By Musket and Sextant). I mean, who covers a song from that album? Pavement didn’t play those songs live. Also, your singer has far better moves than Stephen Malkmus.
You guys, I even love your punctuated moniker, even though I was suspicious of it at first. The Great Unwashed may find your exclamation mark smug or lame, but I think you are young and fun and you deserve it.
Finally, I love you for selling Los Campesinos! hotpants at your merch table…in two colors. I saw them there when Z and I ran over after the show to buy shirts like big dorks. Alas, I am 30, so I don't wear hotpants. Neither does Z, even though he is young and gay.
In conclusion, I think you should all move to Chicago so we can be best friends. Until then, I’ll just be here in your house, going through your stuff.