clearly, I peaked at seven

"Well HELLO. Welcome. I’m so glad you could come. Are you prepared for our journey? First we must duck behind this thick sheet of spider silk that hangs at my back. Some say it is the veil that separates the living from the land of the dead. Others insist it is a curtain that hangs in the living room of the oppressors, my parents. Hush, there’s no need to be afraid. As you can see, I am super.

Here, take my hand.

What’s that you ask? These socks? These thick cotton athletic socks, the short kind, like a lesbian volleyball player might wear? Look more closely. More closely still. There. Yes, you see? The pink rim is the glue that ties this outfit together. And also, let’s be honest, these marvelous purple jellies make my feet sweat.

Dare you—DARE YOU—mock my hair? Well then, mock away, but know this: the last person who mocked my hair paid with her life. That is her blood you see smeared on my cheeks."