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It’s hard to know if things are getting better or getting worse. You know, in general. On one hand, as my idol Jacob Clifton wrote somewhere, it is always better to live in the future. My new iphone is better than my old iphone, etc.

On the other hand, we have what I have come to think of as the Charlie Sheen Theory of Devolution, wherein we’re all pretty much thisclose to mopping up prostitute blood just to become an Internet meme.

Given my constitution, very many of my posts are about the Charlie Sheen Theory of Devolution. But occasionally I think about other things. And I have, in fact, started to write posts about some of those things, but I often leave them unfinished for one reason or another.

So what we have here is a round-up of all the things I have discovered in the recent past that are totally awesome.

Ten Totally Awesome Things that Will Improve Your Life

1. Any book by Jennifer Egan

Well, at least some of her books. I’m still working on the new one and I haven’t yet read her short stories, but I’m guessing those are awesome, too. The ones I’ve read--Look at Me, The Invisible Circus, and The Keep--are fantastic in very different ways. Look at Me, my favorite, is just beautifully written, filled with the kind of sentences I would write on a piece of paper and post on my bedroom wall, were I still in high school. Jennifer Egan, you're the best.

2. Kindle

I never really seriously considered buying a Kindle until Amazon released the $139 wi-fi version. The price was right, but I still wasn’t sure if e-reading was for me. Also I had this vague notion that e-readers are going to kill my profession, so it seemed sort of traitorous--like a guy at the Ford factory falling in love with the robot who replaced him on the line. But all of those concerns went out the window when I learned that they sell Kindles at Target, where you can return things simply because you don’t like them. That made buying one more like a risk-free trial than a commitment.

And, oh my god, I could fill another post with all the reasons why I love this thing so much. Obviously, it doesn’t work for cookbooks, art books, or anything else with a design element--all of which I read with some frequency. But it works really well for almost everything else. Especially for trashy vampire novels you should be ashamed to read in public.

3. Soda Stream

I suspect there are two types of people in the world: those who think that owning their own seltzer water maker sounds exciting, and everyone else. If you fall into the latter category, it will probably sound sad when I tell you that the Soda Stream is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But if you like drinking seltzer at all, this thing will change your life.

A friend recently gave me my Soda Stream as a thank-you when she was my houseguest for a week. I haven’t used it to make soda because, you know, barf. Also, if I could make homemade Diet Coke, I doubt I would ever leave my apartment again.

4. mint.com


I started using mint.com a few months ago and, boy, is it awesome. It lets you store all your financial information so you can track your bank accounts, credit card accounts, etc. all in one place. It is also one of the best designed websites I’ve ever used. Oh, and it’s free!

5. Internet Television
Recently I cut my cable and went full Roku. I was very nervous about doing so, mostly because I don’t want to be perceived as one of those people that doesn’t believe in television. (I really like television. A lot.) But with my DVR and HBO subscription, my cable package alone was more than $150/month, and I felt like the only thing I ever watched was, like, the second half of Top Chef--a show I don’t even like anymore.

My new configuration involves the mid-level Roku box, a 3-disc a week Netflix subscription (which includes unlimited Netflix Instant), a Hulu Plus subscription, and the occasional supplement from Amazon Video On Demand.

And lo, not only do I not miss the cable (at all, ever), I actually prefer being off the grid. Now, instead of flipping through the digital listings to find something tolerable, everything I watch is something I’m excited about. My latest television project is FX’s Damages, a show that has become THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS as though it were a drug problem or my firstborn. Seriously, I can’t even believe I’m writing this now instead of watching Damages.

6. Internet Desserts

(image via Smitten Kitchen)


Lately I have been finding some great desserts on the Internet. The first is a recipe for yellow birthday cake from one of my favorite food blogs, Smitten Kitchen. This is one of the most delicious cake recipes I know, and it’s very, very easy to make. Here’s a link. Please thank me in cake.

Note: I don’t make it with her sour cream frosting because, frankly, WTF. Flavorwise, I’m intrigued by the idea, but I don’t want to make sour cream frosting for the same reason I don’t want to make buttercream frosting: because the thought of slathering my cake with a container of sour cream or four sticks of butter makes me want to yak.

So I use chocolate ganache frosting instead:

Chocolate Ganache Frosting
1 cup heavy cream
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped

Boil the cream and pour it over the chocolate in a mixing bowl. Cover with foil and let stand for five minutes. Whisk until smooth. Chill for an hour or so, then beat with a whisk attachment until fluffy.

Also around xmas I found this recipe for Peanut Butter Biebers. Admittedly, they aren't very classy. They are, however, next-level delicious. Basically you make peanut butter cookies in mini muffin tins, then press mini Reese's Cups into their middles. Then you pop them like bonbons while you're watching your stories.

7. Tieks flats (Sorry, fellas, this one is for the ladies.)


Maybe you’re thinking it sounds stupid to pay $135 for plain old flats. But what if I told you they are magical flats from the FUTURE that collapse so they’ll fit into the tiniest of purses? And that they come in all the awesomest colors? And that they are often available at a hot 30% discount? That's, like, way less than $135, and trust me, they're worth it. Tieks flats are the only reason that high heeled shoes haven't crippled me (yet).

8. Turkey Cocktails
I am notoriously bad at mixing drinks. Like, if we were at a party together, and you asked me to make you a drink, I would pour four kinds of liquor in a cup and hand it to you sheepishly. You’d be like, “Are you trying to rape me?” and I’d be like, “Nah, I just make terrible drinks.”

Lately I have been making more of an effort, so I’ve developed a small stable of simple cocktails are actually very good. The best one I’ve found is called the Frisco, but I renamed it thusly because I make them with Wild Turkey (and first served them at Thanksgiving).

Turkey Cocktail
1.5 ounces rye or bourbon
½ ounce Benedictine liqueur
½ ounce lemon juice
Combine and shake over ice.

Be very careful, as more than two of these will get you hospital drunk.

9. Hyperbole and a Half


Probably you know about Hyperbole and a Half because it’s easily the best blog ever. But I myself didn’t know about it until about six months ago, so I decided to mention it just in case there’s anyone left in the world that is as unhip as me. The fact that this weird and wonderful blog has a zillion readers is maybe the best proof I can think of that things are getting better.

This explains why Allie Brosh is my soul twin.

10. Warby Parker glasses


I just ordered my first pair of Warby Parker glasses and the process was a pleasure from beginning to end. The concept: vintage-looking frames with prescription lenses for $95.

That’s right: $95. Well, actually it's $125 if, like me, you have to order the special blind-people lenses. Still, that is maybe a third of what my blind-people lenses ALONE have cost me in the past.

Warby Parker’s website has a nifty tool that lets you upload a picture of yourself so you can “try on” different frames. (I found that this was key, as it eliminates the unpleasant business of feeling like a boob at the eyeglasses store.) Then you choose your five favorites and they send sample frames to your house—for FREE—so you can check them out in real life.

Oh, and for every pair you buy, they donate a second pair to poor people. Winning. Duh.